Who’s In Your Corner?

By Brenda deLaet, Director of Permanency Training

Happy Fall, y’all! As we turn the page from summer to fall, many of us are settling back into familiar routines. The days gradually grow shorter, calendars fill up, and before we know it, we’ll be pulling out sweaters and wondering where the year went. Seasonal changes can be a natural reminder to pause and take stock of what’s around us. In this month’s newsletter, we’re taking a pause to consider our community, those in our corner who help us navigate life’s ups and downs.

For foster and adoptive families, having a community matters more than we sometimes realize. There can be hard days, difficult decisions, appointments, meetings, behaviors that don’t make sense, and moments when it can feel like no one else quite understands.

Just like a plant needs rich soil, water, and sunlight to grow and thrive, foster and adoptive families thrive through a connected network of care. The reality is, busy lives don’t make it easy to prioritize relationships. Even with an entire team of professionals involved, foster parents can still feel alone. In a 2024 study, foster parents described experiences of isolation as feeling “on an island,” while informal support networks were described as invaluable (Source: Sharda, E., Yurschak, R., & McNiff, C. (2024). “On an island”). That finding raises an important question: Why does having a strong circle of support matter so much?

The answer may be simpler than we think. No single person can meet every need. A strong community might include family members, friends, neighbors, fellow foster or adoptive parents, or coworkers. Faith or civic organizations can create opportunities for connection. Some people may be the ones you call when you need advice. Others might offer practical help or simply listen when you’ve had a hard day.

And support doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes it’s a friend dropping off dinner, a neighbor offering to run an errand, or someone who checks in and genuinely asks, “How are you doing?” For foster families, having people who understand—or are willing to learn about—the unique realities of fostering can make an enormous difference. That last sentence is so important, it bears repeating:

For foster families, having people who understand the unique realities of fostering can make an enormous difference.

Sometimes people in our lives want to help but don’t know how. They may assume that because an agency and other professionals are involved, foster families already have plenty of support. But professional support and personal support aren’t the same thing. A specialist or therapist are important parts of a child’s team, but they aren’t necessarily the person you call after a particularly exhausting day or when you just need someone to bring over a pizza.

Building a support network takes intention. It might mean reconnecting with an old friend, getting to know another foster parent, joining a support group, or accepting help when it’s offered. It can also mean being willing to tell people what would actually be helpful.

Asking for support isn’t a sign that you’re not capable. In fact, recognizing when you need others may be one of the strengths that helps sustain you for the long haul.

Who’s in your corner? And just as importantly – who could be, if they knew they were needed?

Try This: Tend to Your Circle this Fall

• Take inventory of your community. Who do you turn to for practical help, encouragement, advice, or simply someone who understands?
• Reach out to one person this month. Reconnect with a friend, invite someone for coffee, or get to know another foster or adoptive parent.
• Let someone know how they can help. People often want to support foster families but aren’t sure what to do. Give them one specific way they can show up for your family.
• Say yes to support. If someone offers a meal, a listening ear, or help with an errand, practice accepting the help without guilt.

Strong families aren’t the ones who can do everything on their own. They’re the ones who know they don’t have to.