Thirteen-year-old Juliana had never known the comfort and stability of a permanent family, suffering severe…
What color is love? Well, if you ask Tori Brasher-Weathers, she would tell you that love knows no color. “Love makes a family; not ethnicity,” says Tori.
Tori’s story is one that defies stereotypes and smashes social norms.
Tori knew she wanted to have children of her own and from a young age, she was open to the idea of adoption. “I always knew I wanted to adopt; in my community growing up, I had family members who took care of children whose caregivers could not take care of them,” she explains.
When Tori discovered she wasn’t able to have biological children, the path to adoption was set. After some research, she found the Children’s Home Society of NC (CHS). Tori recounts, “After submitting an inquiry for foster parenting, I met with a wonderful CHS social worker, Michelle Marvel who supported me every step of the way.”
After sharing with Michelle that she didn’t care what race the children were (whether fostering or adopting), Michelle was very candid in explaining to Tori that she needed to be 100% honest about her capacity to care for children who might have different ethnic origins than her.
“I remember telling Michelle, ‘I do not care if the children are purple with stripes. I want the opportunity to love and care for children—to let them know what a healthy and loving relationship with a parent is. I do not care about the race or ethnicity of the child.’ This stood as truth. When my sons Landon and Liam entered my life in December 2016, I fell in love with them from day one,” recalls Tori.
Landon and Liam’s adoption was finalized on June 18, 2019. While all adoptions are unique, Tori’s story has a social aspect that most adoptions don’t. Tori is African American and Landon and Liam are Caucasian American.
But her adoption story doesn’t end there. “When I met my children’s birth mother, I saw she was pregnant. I told the DSS social worker that if they didn’t want to split up the siblings, I would take the new baby as well,” Tori explains.
One month later, at 2 days old, Tori welcomed home her daughter, CholeGrace. Landon and Liam were just 2 years old and 1 year old at the time. “I knew it would not be easy, but I knew through my love, it would be possible,” says Tori.
It is an incredible honor to share her story, which has come full circle for Tori and CHS, as Tori is now an Education Manager for the Institute for Family, a program of CHS. And while all adoption stories are different, Tori’s story has its own unique challenges. There are not many resources or support groups for African American parents of Caucasian American children.
“I have never questioned why my children do not have the same race or ethnicity as I do. I have always loved them deeply for the genuine souls they are. No, I am not colorblind. I am very aware of the experiences I create for my children to be their best selves. They see me as ‘mommy.’ Even though we have had people of all races and ethnicities refer to me as their ‘brown mommy,’ ‘not-real mommy,’ ‘foster mom,’ ‘nanny, or ‘stepmom,’ I am simply their mommy. And they are my world. My family was just created differently. I truly believe and subscribe to the adage, ‘Love makes a family.’ I love them. I care for them. I advocate for them. For the rest of my life, I will be there for them. They are my greatest blessings in life, and I thank God every single day for them.” Tori concludes.
If Tori’s story has taught us anything, it’s that love is what makes a family.
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